I just lost my shadow.. can someone turn on the lights please....

When he started out he was in this house something he had built with his own hands, brick by brick putting together some amazing ideas. Only problem was that it wasn't his own, it had other dwellers too who would rather sit back and wait for him to complete the building for them. He would not bother about all this knowing his will to take up a task single handedly and doing it with his heart. Too many cooks in the same curry would be something he never would approve of. He just loved to work and take up challenges and here it was a challenge to build it up from scratch like no one else cud do.

Somewhere in this whole task of putting together a foundation and a great place to be at, he forgot about his heart the very reason he lives. For he is not the kinds who thinks from the head or even works from there. All that he does is from the heart and even now he worked for the heart and from the heart. If his heart would be busy working when would it love or do anything to fill the vast stretch of loneliness that was slowly creeping into his world. He was unaware and all he did was ignore it even more to keep it from affecting him at all.

Then one day something happened, a figure dark though lovely appeared out of nowhere. He asked her who she was and why she was here? All she said was "I am a gypsy and i love to travel and to dance" I was passing by and thought i could see what you had here. Well he ignored her and put her up to one of the other owners to show her around. She went around the house and once she was done she again came by and just watched him work. He thought he could use a break and also host this guest who was otherwise not very willing to let go of her curiosity.

They went out and talked a bit. Finished it soon and got back. She left and he went into his usual work of building it up. They did this a couple or more times and he suddenly realized his heart was also good at a few more things than just working and that it was feeling left out on the love. The more he met her the more he would think how similar they were. She too had started feeling a certain way about him. It was now just a matter of time that they would both sit and enter the realms of contemplating what could be and what is....

She in the meanwhile also saw this amazing person in him who was selflessly trying to make the house work and stand as the best that stood. What she found him ignoring and in a way living with the fact that it was becoming more and more of a one man show. Day by day he was getting closer to the reality he dreamed for the house - the greatness and the amazing part was he wasn't even close to being a part owner. His dues were verbal than actual and there were these bystanders waiting for him to complete what he said he could and then they would take it away from him. The constant scheming had brought cracks in the foundation and he being on the inside was not seeing the outer perspective. Only she could see it. She wanted to tell him but then who was she to him and will he listen and go away with his selfless style. there were no guarantees. So she did this.

She met him more and more and made him realize a few things about them. They grew in love, so much that they took vows to be together no matter what. Yes she did promise him and he promised her to be together till the world lasts (or at least as per her till she lasts). He still worked but moreover spent time with her because he knew she didn't have much time. For him all that mattered now was her and being with her. And he did that every time he could. Then the day came she had to leave. She asked if he would be fine, if he would not loose it, he would be strong with himself and not bother whether the house stays or not. He promised her he would be fine and that he would come for her. He asked her if she would still wait for him, have trust in what they shared and make their dream a reality. She nodded and she hugged him tight. She left soon after....

He got back slowly to his life and work. For the first time he saw the big cracks the ones he never saw before and he remembered how she never let him know or feel the pain of knowing all he's done so far was about to fall apart. He felt remorse and he felt shattered. Thankfully for him he had this happiness in his heart now that she was there. She wasn't there with him but for him she was like his shadow one that was with him everywhere he went. She was the reason he still smiled and he still wanted to fight. His belief in the house had broken but his belief in the fact he could build it again this time for himself was strong and he vowed to make it happen for him and moreover for her, the reason he still stands....

Thanks to his shadow who leaves him with a reason much bigger to move on and make it happen in a bigger way for himself. All he desired now was her to be by his side not just as a bystander but as a part, a part he loved and a part he still feels a part of....

Like an object on the floor....

Been away thinking life had become easy though hard but it was more of challenges than let downs. Didn’t know I would be back so soon….

Like an object on the floor

You had your days of glory and fame,

Of people you could trust to carry your name

Suddenly u were stabbed and down everything came,

U had no one around to help but just yourself to blame.

U looked bruised like one who lost his game.

Given up the fight, hanging pointless in aim,

I offered to help to make everything the same

You lapped me up, your savior I became.

I worked hard and alone for many fortunes I had to claim,

Adding fresh colours to the fallen picture well all over again.

Just so that the one final day I eventually put in a frame

People would see my effort, the picturesque destiny I cud tame.

The results were there, rewards none and the excuses lame.

Silent scheming, plans of deceit & efforts to maim,

Letting all my achievements go down in flames

Calling me a showoff.. My head down in shame..

Not because what I did for you went down in vain,

But for being someone u could use & throw away when in gain.

Not recognizing the sacrifice nor the months of pain

Treating me like an object on the floor one that can never complain….

Its been a while since i could hear my own voice again....

Well to be precise i have quit my job. Salsa is the new reason to smile and keeps me going. Some new hiccups and lots of delusional stuff but then i guess the timing couldn't be better to start all over gain and re-invent what the world calls as "Chirag".

To begin with my silence over all that's happening and my reaction to it as well here is a small passing by thought....

Its been a while since i felt this alone
Alone though with so much happening around
Life of all sorts- sweet & nice, irritating yet distracting
Keeping me engrossed every single day & night

Life that is like two worlds for me
Balanced finely along one another
One incomplete, unfulfilled without the other
One filling the stomach, the other the heart

It always happens that one world goes down
The other somehow trying to stabilize
Pulling both up isnt easy and i sometimes fumble
Get bruised, abandoned, left alone to cry, wake up alone

There is so much more to do and never enough to say
Every moment that passes by i wonder why
I end up changing my house or the paint on my walls
Why i change my pair of shades every time i need to look up????

I wish i can tell someone that i live, i like to laugh
That i too fall down and that i don't need anyone's support
But once i am up i need you not to stare me in the face
Rather look pleased at my return and hug me tight....

Wish you didn't run away at the first sight of my fall. Its just a matter of time i stood up and never looked better. Only if you had waited....

Why so Serious????-Part2

First of all a big sorry to all as i have just never been around. Even now all i could do is post this new one. Recession has hit me bad but i aint complaining, i m still fighting. Salsa'a a real boon during these time. My classes have swelled up. Life’s been not so bad in fact very good. Every time I have tried to create chaos and wreck havoc further to whatever damage already done, I have repeatedly been blessed with a fresh start, a new launch-pad. Here’s a new take on the poem, “Why so Serious????”. This time it’s me and my life talking to each other….

I have loved you right from when you were born

Giving you a destiny carved with sensitivity and care

You have been my favorite pupil

For only you understood my underlying true ideology

I am harsh for most, soft for a blessed few

People call me names but I don’t care a damn

They chose me each time they changed tracks to go forward

I might have been unfair, sad, harsh maybe even boring

I never decided what becomes of them when they grow up

Who did they meet or whom they fell in love with

Whom did they idolize, who ended up being despicable

All these were their decisions, don’t put it on me!!!!

Why blame me when the sky turns dark

When they miss the bus or fail in class

When they get rejected or when they are left alone

It’s their doing, own it or else fell good sticking it on me

Had they thought of it when they gave it their best shot

Of all that could go wrong, things that may fall apart

They would have been less affected, less pissed at me

But they were optimistic for it’s a virtue of the great

Ever thought what a pessimist but with brains would be like

A clever planned guy- opinionated but shrewd

For he would picture it at its worst before surging ahead

That way he would feel less jittered when it falls apart

They would call him names, talk behind his back

Constantly put him down, never giving him a chance

But he’s much beyond what you think, clever and smart

Not modest but well prepared, for he will always take me head on

He still does feel sad though mostly glad

For he knew things were rosy a bit far too long

Troubles and tensions would just come along

He’s prepared; he will just smile and put them aside.

No wonder he’s my muse, my blue-eyed boy

He will throng to achieve what most don’t bother to

The hunger in him so big that it can drown many like you

Because he knows me well, he will follow through

He will stand up every time he falls down

Start again every time I shun him down

Never say enough is enough because more will come

Keep running from time for that’s his worst enemy

I am talking to him now and I am sure he knows

Son you are a gem, a one in a million

I know I bruised you again but gather yourself like you always do

Wipe your tears, brush away your woes for a new day is waiting

Waiting for you to start your hunt again, time to move on

Look up and smile, “Why so Serious????”

Part 4: Hawaii Chappal....

After a while i thought i bring the old favorites back. Here's a Hawaii Chappal soap opera fro you guys....

I am the handy bathroom slipper
Thanklessly called the Hawaai Chappal
Wonder how I got that name
When I haven’t been to Hawaai nor Portugal

I come in all colours red, purple and blue
With most brands listing me in their ensemble
From Bata to Lakhani, Relaxo to Liberty
Even Reebok and Coverse all stacked in a bundle

If u ask me I would say I am cheap
Never an exhibitionist, just modestly fashionable
Look at me and u will know my owner’s worth
My oh My is that any more arguable????

You would buy a Jimmy Choo or a Gucci shoe
Even an expensive dress to go along with it
With me you don’t need anything at all
Isnt that proof enough- U Dumbwit!!!!

Try sumthing else while u take a bath
Or on a stroll post dinner to get lighter
Try sittin with heels while relieving urself
& u would know my comfort- U Sinner!!!!

Don’t wear me & u shall be barefooted
Making your feet weary and full of cracks
Leave me unattended at parks or temples
I’l be stolen from right under your tracks

I am the weapon of the Indian woman
Be it against husbands or perverted souls
The must haves of politicians & noblemen
M d symbol of power either intact or wid holes

You might be a spoilt scion or a business tycoon
Having private jets, wives, cars to a house beachside
But if you have a broken, tattered and plastered ME
You might be like a King but a stupid pauper inside

The wonderful individual....

Well based on my last mail many perceived it as a blooming 9yr relationship that’s still there or just about there. I don’t want to say anything and would leave it to the readers to judge from this poem that’s on her titled what you have heard before- “Honey not this time, maybe some other time!”

Its this wonderful person i know for almost 9 yrs now....

Went to meet someone, found her by chance,
She was busy with her stuff and noisy antics.
I tried hard ignoring still unknowingly glance;
She’s so much like a kid, patienceless and frantic.

Thinking of her was giving me a sweet tension,
Ate dinner somehow but the night went sleepless.
All I thought was of how to get her attention
Rolled in bed the entire night, I kept feeling restless.

I start off with being a friend off course,
Listening to her woes and despair.
Helped her around with things and chores,
All the while wishing we could be a pair!

Got her to eventually accept me as the one,
And take my heart finally close to hers.
Her shortlived attention was not serious but fun,
Only to end it after a few coffees and dinners.

I am heartbroken, clueless with noone around.
I try everywhere for some support, maybe a friend
Regurgitating my loss to many but only to frown,
Each night crying in bed was the usual trend.

One year later when I am free and somewhat healed,
She calls me one early morning prior to sunshine.
I talk to her listening to her woes & some hidden greed;
She promising to be mine for her entire lifetime.

I took her back not realizing what is in store,
I was just a prop, maybe an arm candy some time.
For everyone I was her mere friend, nothing more
All I saw her doing, was enjoying her new lifeline.

I confront her by asking if this is what she meant?
When she said she would be mine now onwards.
“I am but not for the world to know” is what she vents,
Wanting to be free, not labeled with names and words.

I left her to herself for I knew her mind too well.
The fault not being hers, she’s only a kid-too confused
I am the best she’s ever had; to everyone she tells,
But to accept me as a reality she shamelessly refused.

Time passed by and to finally forget it all is what I chose.
When she again came back, this time not single but coupled;
Tells me of a guy who’s awesome & the first one so close.
Love, sex but no apparent future, I stood silent but confused!

She moved on, lost faith in love but not in herself,
I was still perplexed, surprised at her rare selfless stint.
”What goes around comes around” I told to myself,
Still she learnt nothing from this, not a tear not a glint.

She soon got someone new, but again letting it pass by,
Realising they were bad choices, never worth, all the same.
To friends she recalled me as the best she came by,
Still never letting me be anywhere close to her last name.

We are still friends and I let her play her little game,
She still continues to tell me how much I mean to her
I stay aloof, avoiding hurt but respect being the same,
Enjoy playing along, though never over-feeling for her.

The jist of the story is not too complex but simple,
If its your first love, your mind literally goes blank.
Your heart would dive in this ocean of false hopes,
Leaving yourself repeatedly floating just on a plank.

The problem in my case is what happens forever always,
Just when I feel the coast is near & she will finally be mine.
She would scatter my hopes and dissect my mental forays,
Saying cutely as ever-“Honey not this time, maybe some other time!!!!”

Just FYI she also is the very first para of my poem Why so Serious???? Hoping now i wont be seeing some sweet remarks like- Oh so sweet 9 yrs, gosh thats so grt and stuff....

Honey not this time, maybe some other time….

One phone call one fine day from a soul so dear to me
She says “Shall we run away? Shall we get lost in the wilderness??”
My heart raced at the idea but somewhere I knew her reputation
Still letting it be as it’s always been allowing my mind to let her play with
We plan a date and a time, getting down to finalizing check points
Total distance to be covered, where to meet, how to go forward
Scramble for flight tickets, bus tickets to the next destination
What about hotel she asks, I say leave it to me. Bus is done, check the flight!
I slowly get into the reminiscent goosebumpy mood, like the very first time
I am already there in the moment as if the journey has begun finally….
I search for hotels, find some great discount rates, ask her to start packing
She is nervous but excited says how am I gonna wake up this early
I say don worry I will wake u up like always. She smiles then just nudges
What about the return journey? I say we’l manage but she latches on to it
No we are cutting too fine. It won’t work Chirag!
It’s all your fault, we could have planned better. Don’t u ever say that I don’t try,
I did this time and you didn’t plan it well.
All I said laughingly was that- “Doll I lived my journey in the last three hours that we spoke on phone, looked for buses and hotels, hearing ur excitement and last of all your never-ending last minute confusion. I loved it and I am thankful to you for it. U take care and sleep tight. Muah gudnite….”

It’s been 9 yrs now and it’s the same old story that repeats with her. Now I just laugh over it, getting the cute feeling but only to the point of smiling nothing else. She’s always having her pet line- Honey not this time, maybe some other time….

A poem on this individual comin next....